Summary
Giving gifts in East Asia, particularly in China and Japan, follows a strict set of etiquette based on traditions, superstition, and even numerology. The rules of saving face also apply, particularly when giving and receiving gifts. While gift-giving etiquette in Asia varies by country, some guidelines are consistent throughout China, Japan, Korea, and surrounding places.
If you’re invited to someone’s home or a banquet, it is important to bring a gift. Don’t panic, but choose wisely!
When to Gift
Generally, gifts are given to show gratitude, including as a way to thank someone for a hospitable act. When invited to someone’s home, bringing a small gift demonstrates appreciation.
In Asia, gift exchanges often resemble one-way giving events. Therefore, don’t be surprised if your modest gift is later reciprocated with something larger or more expensive. Often, you will receive a thank-you card or at least a phone call acknowledging your thoughtfulness.
Avoid gifting a single person in a group setting (e.g., at a business meeting). Instead, either gift the entire group or wait until you are in private to present an individual gift.
Choosing the Right Gift
When visiting someone’s home, the best gifts are those that the entire family can enjoy. Choose meaningful trinkets over expensive items to avoid putting pressure on your host when reciprocating.
Here are some good ideas for gifts in Asia:
- An item from home
- Special tea
- Good liquor (think imported)
- Toys for kids
- Handicrafts (especially from outside the region)
- Nice pens (avoid red ink; pairs are better)
- Lucky objects
- Photographs
- An item that indicates knowledge of the recipient’s hobbies/interests
- Useful kitchen items (avoid sharp objects)
- Candy and fruit are acceptable, but preferably not for dinner occasions
Avoid gifts like clocks, towels, and handkerchiefs, as they evoke memories of sad goodbyes and funerals. Likewise, refrain from gifting knives or sharp objects, as this symbolizes the end of friendship!
Giving Flowers
While offering bamboo or other living plants may be acceptable, giving flowers is delicate and should be approached with caution. Cut flowers are generally not advisable as they symbolize mortality. Avoid all white and yellow flowers since they are associated with funerals.
Presentation Is Important
Whenever possible, enhance the presentation of your gift, as it may not be opened immediately. Good presentation is vital and can be just as important as the gift itself. Avoid leaving items in their default bags; instead, wrap the gift or choose a different bag. Gold ribbons signify fortune and wealth.
- Red packaging is the best outer color for most occasions.
- Pink is an acceptable color.
- Gold and silver are suitable for weddings.
- Blue, white, and black packaging should be avoided as they evoke thoughts of funerals.
While red is the most auspicious color for packaging, refrain from writing cards in red ink for the same reasons.
General Etiquette
No matter how much thought was put into selecting and wrapping the gift, downplay its significance. Avoid making the giving process about drawing attention to yourself. Furthermore, don’t ask to take photos of others holding your gift unless they express interest in doing so.
It is common for your host to politely decline your gift several times before finally accepting it. This is merely customary and does not indicate dissatisfaction with your gesture. Express gratitude upon acceptance of your gift. If your gift is refused more than three times in a business scenario, it may suggest that gifts are not permitted.
Don’t be surprised if your gift is set aside to be opened later. Gifts are often opened privately to prevent any potential embarrassment and to maintain face for both parties involved.
Gifts in Business Settings
Giving gifts in business settings can be complex, as etiquette varies according to circumstance and locale. Gifts, even if seemingly benign, may be interpreted as a form of bribery.
As a guideline, gifts should ideally be given only after negotiations or contracts have been finalized. This ensures that the gift does not influence any decisions made during the meeting. Always consider that you are gifting the ‘company’ on behalf of your organization, not solely individuals present at the meeting. If you wish to gift individuals, it should be done privately and not within the business context.
Numbers Are Important
Numerology holds considerable significance across much of Asia. Therefore, quantities should be considered when giving gifts, as some numbers are deemed lucky or unlucky. For instance, the number 8 is highly auspicious in Chinese culture due to its phonetic resemblance to ‘prosperity’ and ‘fortune.’ Generally, even numbers of items are favored; however, the number 9 is an exception as it closely resembles the word for ‘long-lasting.’
In Western contexts, the number 13 is often seen as unlucky, while in Asia, the equivalent is the number 4. In countries such as China, Korea, Japan, and even Vietnam, the number 4 is regarded as extremely unlucky because it sounds like ‘death.’ Avoid gifting in sets of four at all costs! Other unlucky numbers include 73 and 84.
Whenever possible, selecting pairs of items is preferable to singles. For example, gifting a pen-and-pencil set is better than presenting a single pen.
Receiving Gifts
- When offered a gift, kindly refuse at first, stating that “no gift is necessary.” Ultimately, always accept the gift!
- Accept your gift with both hands, complimenting the level of detail or the quality of the wrapping.
- Be prepared to set the gift aside to open it later in private; however, you can inquire whether your host prefers that you open it immediately. Some gift-givers may wish to follow the Western custom of opening gifts on the spot.
- At a later time, be sure to express your gratitude with a short thank-you note or send a small token of appreciation for the gift. If reciprocating isn’t possible, at least make a phone call a few days later to express thanks.
